He Answered Me

For you, O Lord, are good and forgiving,
abounding in steadfast love to all who call upon you.
Give ear, O Lord, to my prayer;
listen to my plea for grace.
In the day of my trouble I call upon you,
for you answer me.
Psalm 86:5-7

The Routine
48 weeks ago.
About 11 months.

I sat behind the desk I had sat behind for almost 2 1/2 years. I did the normal routine things one does after becoming terribly acquainted with repetition. I leaned over and talked to my cube-mates momentarily laughing at a comment made by my sweet friend. I was then asked to go help clean the conference room and help myself to the leftover food. Upon returning to my desk my boss walked in (also on normal occasion) and asked me to come talk to him, he told me I could finish my food though...

My stomach dropped.

It wasn't his tone. It wasn't the way he looked at me. It wasn't any of this. I could feel the clock ticking. I had lost my appetite.

I turned to my cube-mate knowing this could be it, I said "what if its me?" (I smiled, I didn't want her to sense the uneasiness) she giggled (we always joked like that). I sent my sister an instant message, "I might be let go, just fyi", "I'll let you know".

The Recession

Possibly one of the hardest things I've ever had to experience as a product of The Recession, is layoffs. I close my eyes and breath in deeply as I say that word. Layoff. Its not by choice, its not by conduct. I experienced over 40% layoffs in an office of 100+. The first reduction in force (RIF) was hard, the whole office underwent turmoil. Everyone was affected. Employees lost their jobs they weren't just my colleagues they were mommys & daddys, brothers & sisters, my very good friends.

The Prayer

As I prepared to go to my bosses office, I fought back tears. I just knew our conversation had to do with the "R" word. I could feel it in my bones. They shook. I began to do the only thing I knew would help... pray.

"Lord Jesus, PLEASE PLEASE help me not to cry. Whatever happens may it be done for your glory. Please Lord, help me to humbly accept the outcome. You know what will happen, prepare my heart... Lord Jesus, I know you have a hope and a future for me in this. I know your Will, will be done. I long to know you more intimately therefore you will call me where you must, help me to put my fleshly thoughts and pursuits behind me. PLEASE LORD, PLEASE."

The Decision

As I walked to my bosses office I feared I would crumble. I could feel the Lord's presence holding me helping me to stand firmly on a shaky floor. I walked in, sat down, and stared at my boss as he pretended to be distracted by a 'very important email'. I knew it was something he didn't want to do, so I tried to ease things up. I asked him questions about his family and work (I don't think I made it better). He kept it short and to the point then "finished up his email". He sighed, "come on Heather, we are gonna go to Craig's office".

As we walked down the hall. I thought. This is it. I prepared a speech. "Thank you so much for the opportunity of working here, its been a blessing..."

We entered the office.

"Hey Heather!"

"Oh, Hi!" I bit my lip, "How are you?"

"Doing ok, please sit down." My boss and I both sat down. I all of a sudden felt small.

"Well, as you know we have been very slow here at work", (yes, I thought... I know), "and we've tried keeping you on as long as possible" (here it comes), "but we just don't have the work." "Now a position has opened up in the Fed Ops division..." (whats this?), "and although you don't really qualify for this position, the Fed Ops team is willing to 'test you out' and see if you could be a good match for their support work." (huh?) "I believe this would be a great opportunity for you. John and I have all the faith that you won't let us or them down." "Would you like to consider this position?"

I couldn't let them down, I said the first thing that came to mind. "Yes."

48 Weeks Later

After almost 11 trying months of awakening, challenges and trials... I will be transitioning again. This time I transition because I want to not because of circumstances, but because by the GRACE of God He's continuing to call me into action. As I reflect over the years trials all I can do is praise my King. So worthy. So loyal. So true. I have never felt more rejected, more alone, more challenged, more hopeless, more tempted, more closer to my Savior than the past 48 weeks. Week after week, a new challenge presented itself, it didn't matter the challenge a few car wrecks, school situations, schedules, hours, management, money problems... It never ceased. God continued to press on my heart "press on". I prayed again and again "your Will not mine". I would never take back these awkward 48 weeks. They were a huge part of my sanctification. A huge part of my dependency on Christ.

Today was my first day back at the office I had worked at almost a year ago. It felt a little weird, almost like I had never left. I'm a bit more appreciative this time. I don't know how long God will call me to stay here. I don't know who I'm supposed to minister to. I do know that God pulled me to the other office though to be ministered to. Its a different feeling. I can't quite explain it.

I tell you all this to let you know, God is great. His plans are miraculous and unexplainable. I don't expect candy and cupcakes. I believe there will be more trial I believe its a new season. I'm where God wants me to be.

He Answered Me

And I will send rain, and floods, and the winds will blow and beat on you, but you will not fall, because Christ stands in for you. For MY SAKE of my unfailing love and faithfulness, I will be glorified. I have plans for you, future plans you won't understand, but they will be Good. I will never leave you, NEVER.

To Be Continued...