Growing
Many thoughts crossed my mind upon finding out I was pregnant. Most of them were less thoughts and more exclamations... Whoa! Okay! Oh my gosh! This is happening!
I fluctuated between excitement and nervousness, because that's the only two rational feelings I could make sense of. I also felt this overwhelming sensation, but tried to press that down.
The days dragged on and feelings of nauseousness and exhaustion consumed me. I felt so uncomfortable with my self, between gags and bouts of getting up and moving around just so I wouldn't fall asleep. These weeks happened during quarantine. I found out all of 3 days into the #StayHome order and suddenly, like everyone else, I was cut off from the outside world of human interaction and the accountability to stay normal.
For those first couple of months, I was challenged to get online, show my face on a call, and to get out of bed. Exhausted. Tired. My first sonogram I nervously put on a facemask and walked into the clinic. I was met by watching eyes, but couldn't see facial expressions. I was nervous and had so many questions.
Behind my mask I smiled and politely waited to be escorted and told where to go and what to do. It felt surreal. My doctor pulled the sonogram cart into the room, and set it up. She said, "you can facetime your husband, if you'd like." She turned off the lights and I called Jake. The screen lit up, the only light in the room except for Jake on my phone, and within seconds and to my surprise a little baby came into the picture. I felt myself tear up a little and smile big. There our little Spark was, tiny but growing. "Congratulations, you two! It's a baby." Indeed, without a doubt, a little gift from God swimming around. A small piece of Jake and a small piece of me. Growing.
I fluctuated between excitement and nervousness, because that's the only two rational feelings I could make sense of. I also felt this overwhelming sensation, but tried to press that down.
The days dragged on and feelings of nauseousness and exhaustion consumed me. I felt so uncomfortable with my self, between gags and bouts of getting up and moving around just so I wouldn't fall asleep. These weeks happened during quarantine. I found out all of 3 days into the #StayHome order and suddenly, like everyone else, I was cut off from the outside world of human interaction and the accountability to stay normal.
For those first couple of months, I was challenged to get online, show my face on a call, and to get out of bed. Exhausted. Tired. My first sonogram I nervously put on a facemask and walked into the clinic. I was met by watching eyes, but couldn't see facial expressions. I was nervous and had so many questions.
Behind my mask I smiled and politely waited to be escorted and told where to go and what to do. It felt surreal. My doctor pulled the sonogram cart into the room, and set it up. She said, "you can facetime your husband, if you'd like." She turned off the lights and I called Jake. The screen lit up, the only light in the room except for Jake on my phone, and within seconds and to my surprise a little baby came into the picture. I felt myself tear up a little and smile big. There our little Spark was, tiny but growing. "Congratulations, you two! It's a baby." Indeed, without a doubt, a little gift from God swimming around. A small piece of Jake and a small piece of me. Growing.
"You're 10 weeks along."
Longest 10 weeks when you're waiting in quarantine, waiting to find out, waiting to know if there's a baby or not. Baby Sparks was worth the wait.
To be continued...
"For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well." -Psalm 139:13-14
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well." -Psalm 139:13-14
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