Despicable Me

And I saw a strong angel proclaiming with a loud voice, “Who is worthy to open the scroll and break its seals?”

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It has come to my attention recently of an internal battle of my flesh and spirit and the word ‘WORTH’. The sense of turmoil is exceedingly overwhelming and where from my soul bleeds mercy and grace, is also an incessant flow of sadness and complete and utter joy.

I heard a sermon on grace upon which my heart became sensitively aware of my unworthiness and then was overwhelmed with a love from God so surreal, that I realized I was worthy, but ONLY because I am His.

Now that may sound weird, and that is why I struggled with it. It is weird. Here I am unworthy. Biblically I am a vapor, I am dust, and I am far worse off a human than a frog. I have rebelled against God and I do not always serve Him and honestly He isn’t always my number one. In no way human am I worthy of God, of my creator, to dwell in His presence and be saved from His wrath. NO way. YET, the beautiful and merciful God says of Himself “I Am Worthy”, deserving all praise, all honor and all glory. How will He get His glory? Of the many ways He could have gotten glory He chose to send His son into this broken and filthy world to dwell among us. He didn’t come to fix, what He messed up. He came take what was His, His glory and His throne. He is worthy.

I struggled with this idea because most of my life I have been told, “I am worth it”. Whatever that meant, I took it to the extreme of saying, “because I am worth it, I deserve this and this… good grades, a spot on the starting line up, a brand new outfit, grants for school, a husband, good friends, a nice paying job, a new car etc.” Then took it a step further and thought, “Because I am worth it, I DON’T deserve this suffering, I don’t deserve bad grades, to be hurt by friends, loneliness, the weight of sin, to be treated like this, to never get credit and again the list went on…”

I am not 100% sure that I am alone on this, and so if you fall into either thought then I have some good and some bad news. The bad news being, well, we aren’t worth it. We were never worth freedom from sin, eternal life, or an immaculate record in judgment. Neither should we be free from punishment and eternal damnation. No, when the Angel asked “who is worthy?” there is not one person on the face of this earth living or dead who could break the scroll. But, the good news is, there is one though. The one who broke His body and could approach free of charge, for there were no sins committed by Him to account for, only the sin of the world which He gave His life. He was a sacrifice to God, on behalf of our sins, but ALL for His glory.

The struggle is not that, “I’m worth it, but I’m not”. The struggle is, “I’m not worth it, but God gave His son regardless”- and Jesus gave Himself saying “No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have authority to lay it down, and I have authority to take it up again. This charge I have received from my Father.” That is the struggle. Why did such a precious Savior give Himself for despicable me.

Oh, to Him be the glory. He has made me His and I am now worthy to receive Him, and eternal life with Him. Not because of my doing, but because of His and His great Mercy, Grace, and Love.

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I encourage you to read Revelation 5. It is one of my favorite passages and one that ignites fear and adoration. Again I am asked, “Who is worthy?”
And they sang,

“Worthy are you to take the scroll and to open its seals, for you were slain, and by your blood you ransomed people for God from every tribe and language and people and nation, and you have made them a kingdom and priests to our God, and they shall reign on the earth.”