defend me from myself

Arise, O Lord; O God, lift up your hand;
forget not the afflicted.
Why does the wicked renounce God
and say in his heart, “You will not call to account”?
But you do see, for you note mischief and vexation,
that you may take it into your hands;
to you the helpless commits himself;
you have been the helper of the fatherless.
Break the arm of the wicked and evildoer;
call his wickedness to account till you find none.

Psalm 10:12-15

I grow tired and weary as the ‘New Year’ is upon me. The changes which it possesses scare me and I am intimidated greatly. The enemy is fighting back, retaliating, and I of little faith am crying to the Lord to hear me and defend me from myself!

Over the past couple of weeks I have grown distant with God, but not because He has left, but because I have put up walls. Walls of the flesh, a fortress of control, and a battle field of worry. I rebuke it all! I must be raw with you and say that walking with the Lord is possibly the most ‘gutsy’ and radical thing I have ever done. I have surrendered my life to Him and I have searched (long and good) and found no greater and wondrous JOY than in Him!

My heart longs to be out in the field serving Him, anywhere, full time. But God has told me to stay and to tend to the city and the people here, until called elsewhere. Work must be done and I’m so honored He has assigned me to this task right now. I can’t lie to you though and say that this is where my heart is, because I’ve told you I want to be elsewhere. What I’ve realized though is that right now, God is preparing me; He’s called me to have Faith in Him that disregards my desires. I don’t want to fail. I told a friend recently about this, and he encouraged me saying how awesome it is that God told me to stay. This took me back, because sermons and evangelists say otherwise… I expected him to say, leave go elsewhere and start all over again. But he simply said how awesome it was that I was called to stay.

The convicting and yet ENCOURAGING verse of today: Seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the Lord on its behalf, for in its welfare you will find your welfare. Jeremiah 29:7

So, today I pray. I will lay my worries at the feet of my Savior and beg that He remove the doubt that fills my head and the worry that tramples my beating heart. Whether you choose to pray for me upon hearing this ‘down’ I’m going through is your choice. But I intend to NOT dwell on myself but instead fight against this darkness that fogs my vision and pray for others! As I sit today and work, I am jotting down a list on an 8 ½ X 11 piece of print paper, praying for my city San Antonio, for the Church and for all the people with in it that they may hear and know the Truth of Jesus. I am praying for the schools, universities, and colleges to be shaken by God and to know that regardless of laws He will be there fighting the enemy 24/7. I’m praying for Segue, its leaders and its outreach, that it may be used for God’s glory alone and that the people who come will have softened hearts and open ears to hear the Gospel! I pray for my brothers and sisters, clarity in their walks, mercy on their future and courage for the struggles that lie ahead. I pray that whoever reads this will see that the struggle is real, and that YOU will take your stand in this battle. Be strong and know that the God of Abraham is Mighty to save!

I contemplated putting this up, because I want to be encouraging and tell you that its easy to follow Christ… but seeing that I am a fragile human and a sinner is more important than 'encouragement'. But also, and foremost that an Awesome and Beautiful God has saved me from all of this and one day I will be sitting in His mansion, perfect and whole!

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Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones. Proverbs 3:7-8