An Open Letter To Married Couples With Single Friends

Day 8 of Blog Every Day in May is "a piece of advice you have for others,"...

via Pinterest

An open letter to married couples with single friends.

Dear Married Couple,

I realize that telling you this in person (and while it's about the two of you as a couple) is awkward because when we're all together two is so much more intimidating than one. And this isn't a debate it's informative, so a letter will have to do.

A while back I'd claim, "you're not a dating service..." but I'd like to rephrase that. As a couple you're part of a diverse community of single and married friends and investing in your single friends (both men and women) is a way you can assist us and expand your community. I like how you both invest in me as a woman, but I know you invest in others as well, including single men (hem hem). Invite all your friends over, both married and single. Invite me to social events or just community events in general. Dinner with just you as a couple is always a good time, but don't be afraid to get everyone together. I don't get disappointed when it doesn't "work out" I'm just blessed to have friends that give me an opportunity to meet more people and sometimes make a new friend.

I like to think you know that "being married" isn't superior to "being single" but sometimes our conversations and the way you suggest and encourage me to live my single life, wait for the right one, dress or cook dinner is condescending (and honestly, quite biased). Just because you're married doesn't mean you've overcome singleness. It just means you're married. And singleness ins't something to overcome, it's to be enjoyed, just like marriage is to be enjoyed. Your age just like your amount of wisdom doesn't increase when you've placed a ring on someone else's finger. Overtime yes and quite possibly. Sure it's a different season of life and you offer new conversation pieces, but it's important to know that when I share my life with you I like for you to share your life with me. The ups and downs, good and bad, silly and awkward things about your life. That's what I need/want to hear. Don't filter out the bad or not share the awkward. I had a friend once share about the awkwardness and sometimes silly adventures of "living with a man" for the first time in her life. It's something I'd always wondered about myself and how that transition happens... I was glad she wanted to share those experiences with me, because 1) I laughed with her and 2) it's something I genuinely wanted to know. So please don't teach me about married life, share with me. Sharing is learning.

I'd also like you to know (and if you could let all the other married couples and families in on this... that'd be great) I'm not a workhorse and just because I'm unmarried doesn't necessarily mean I have more time or more money. Work events amaze me because I'm usually the first one to show up (and set up) and the last one to leave (and take down). This goes for church events and social functions. Don't get me wrong. I genuinely enjoy seeing families have a good time and seeing you relax, but I need a break every now and then too. When you need a Sunday school teacher or someone to volunteer to run an event, don't automatically assume it should be a single person. We're not all lazy and we're not all looking for something to do. And for the love of cupcakes, please don't say, "you have it easy being single." Just don't.

And lastly, I just want you to know that there's days I love being single and days when I struggle. I wrote about the "empowerment" I feel from singleness here: 11 Real Reasons I Like Being Single. Sometimes I love it and other times it's just hard. But the hard days are few and far between. On those days I want just want you (the lady particularly) to be my friend. Show me companionship isn't always romance. Make it a "girl date" and lets do dinner, get coffee, see a movie, go thrift shopping, talk about girl stuff. I just need the reminder, by action not always words, that just because I'm single doesn't mean I'm alone.

Thank you for reading and hearing me out. I appreciate and value our friendship, all three of us, very much. It's a joy to know that I'm not a burden to hang out with and that while I write this you will understand and maybe write me back. How can I better serve you two as a couple? Individually? That's something I'd like to talk about. 

Till then,
Heather

The LORD bestows favor and honor.

No good thing does he withhold

from those who walk uprightly.

{Psalm 84:11}

P.S. If you do any of the things I suggested for you not to do... it's OK. We can still be friends. I'll forgive you.