Dating and Dining Part 1: What's a Date?
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Is getting lunch the same as getting dinner?
Are these legitimate questions?
I think so.
Up and down and all through my "growing up" I've considered "getting coffee" or "yogurt/ice cream" (I obviously live in Texas) the most innocent,'no expectations' way of talking with someone of the opposite sex. I've often talked ministry, life, school, God and the likes over a cup o' joe, knowing it was just "catching up," and in fact that time was usually initiated by me. I never considered ONE of them asked by me, a date. But here's the complications...
I went on my first "real" date in the ninth grade. A guy asked me out on a date and I was certain this was how it would be the rest of my life, till marriage. Not complicated. Now, fast forward to college and things changed. Guys, yes guys, have to go and confuse girls and play tricks like "come get coffee with 'the group.'" Then I find, I'm the only girl there who came with a guy and suddenly I'm not a sidekick, I am in fact A DATE. I am to be observed and validated.
Enter Rico Suave: the ultimate trickster. He asks you to "accompany" him, and "invites" you to things, that are never said in plain English that hey, "it's a date." When that "time" is over, he says "thanks for coming," "I appreciate your company" and other unattached things that make me think, "OK, friend it is!" Am I the naive girl? Probably. But a part of me that's a little too shy, and a little confused doesn't want to be "that girl" who makes things awkward by saying, "um, is this a date?" Because clearly, one would think, he might have made those intentions clear. Yes?
I think so.
For the longest time I've considered a date as a meal time invitation by a guy. I don't think my views have swayed too much since, but then again... what do I know? According to my "definition" above I've been on a total of ten dates in my entire life (not including my dad). Did I round up a number? Yes. I. Did. Did I consider every single one of them a date? Nope. Did I date outside of my definition? Yep. Are you confused? Of course, let me explain.
Up and down and all through my "growing up" I've considered "getting coffee" or "yogurt/ice cream" (I obviously live in Texas) the most innocent,'no expectations' way of talking with someone of the opposite sex. I've often talked ministry, life, school, God and the likes over a cup o' joe, knowing it was just "catching up," and in fact that time was usually initiated by me. I never considered ONE of them asked by me, a date. But here's the complications...
 |
| via |
I went on my first "real" date in the ninth grade. A guy asked me out on a date and I was certain this was how it would be the rest of my life, till marriage. Not complicated. Now, fast forward to college and things changed. Guys, yes guys, have to go and confuse girls and play tricks like "come get coffee with 'the group.'" Then I find, I'm the only girl there who came with a guy and suddenly I'm not a sidekick, I am in fact A DATE. I am to be observed and validated.
 |
| via |
Enter Rico Suave: the ultimate trickster. He asks you to "accompany" him, and "invites" you to things, that are never said in plain English that hey, "it's a date." When that "time" is over, he says "thanks for coming," "I appreciate your company" and other unattached things that make me think, "OK, friend it is!" Am I the naive girl? Probably. But a part of me that's a little too shy, and a little confused doesn't want to be "that girl" who makes things awkward by saying, "um, is this a date?" Because clearly, one would think, he might have made those intentions clear. Yes?
As the girl who is confused and sensitive towards the guy's feelings, I went on a mad search to end all suffering (for me and the guy(s)). A good friend suggested "I Kissed Dating Goodbye." A new outlook on dating and a huge relief. But things were just getting started...
So I decided to split this up into a couple posts. Only because I have a lot to say and I don't want to lose your attention, and I obviously need answers. I'm already "the crazy girl" for saying anything at all. SO, all you dating experts and married people, and really awesome single people help me out. Today's question(s):
***
So I decided to split this up into a couple posts. Only because I have a lot to say and I don't want to lose your attention, and I obviously need answers. I'm already "the crazy girl" for saying anything at all. SO, all you dating experts and married people, and really awesome single people help me out. Today's question(s):
What is a DATE?
Should a girl always ask if it's a date?
Or should the guy make that fact clear?
Am I blowing this out of proportion?
**Don't answer that last one, unless you're going to say something nice. I'm dramatic, I know. But I'm more curious than anything.**
haha, it IS so complicated! Actually, when my boyfriend and i went on dates, neither of us knew that it was a date, even though both of us wanted it. He even asked if it was a date and i said that no, it wasn't... but then after we started "dating" we decided that it in fact, was a date.
ReplyDeleteI guess nowadays, we use the term "hanging out"... which can be annoying to girls I think. I say when in doubt, just ask. If he doesn't want to define it as a datum then he's probably not worth your time anyway.
-liv
http://chocolivlovelaugh.blogspot.kr
Oh heavens, this is complicated! And Joshua Harris wrote a pretty scathing book...I would recommend, "Give Dating A Chance." It's written in response, and has quite a few great ideas regarding dating in a way that is God-honoring for the both of you. AND, he defines dates! You'd probably love it :)
ReplyDeletePS: Wuthering Heights is one of my FAVORITES. I buy a copy every single time I go into a used bookstore...which means I have a lot ;)
I'll have to check out "Give Dating A Chance"! Thanks for the suggestion.
DeleteI felt these same dilemmas not to long ago. I believe a guy can get away with "hanging out" for a few times (read: 3). But, if he doesn't make intentions clear, don't attach your heartstrings. It's a cowardly and/or cheap way to treat a lady. Guys woo gals for a reason (think Jesus and the church's marriage). The traditional (yet figurative here) "wine and dine" is not irrelevant just because it's an age-old practice. It stuck because it works...in my humble opinion. Since you're a believer, focus most on seeking first the kingdom of God. The rest will fall into place. Many blessings!
ReplyDeletehaha interesting subject indeed i think a lot of times it isn't that clear sometimes a "date" is really just an opportunity to get to know someone and being official and asking someone specifically on a "date" might be intimidating for some. i think a lot of times people just expect to hang out a couple of times and things will kind of sort themselves as far as if it might progress somewhere else. however, i am straight forward and if you are the kind of person that likes to know ahead of time it is always important to just be upfront and ask! nice blog by the way !!
ReplyDeleteJessica
http://www.jumpintopuddles.com
hahah I felt confused just reading this! I think a "date" is more when you're with someone you like and can potentially see yourself getting together with so it's more of a step towards a relationship or just testing out the waters :) cutest blog name btw
ReplyDeleteGreat photos!! lol :)
ReplyDeleteIf you have time, please come by and check out my blog! And maybe we can follow each other via GFC?
Daily UK PostCards
www.bookishtimes.blogspot.co.uk
you are a great writer! I follow you now!
ReplyDeletewww.suspironews.blogspot.com
great photos!
ReplyDeleteNeat post and love your blog... would you like to follow each other!
My Lyfe ; My Story
@MyLyfeMyStory
Chictopia
I love your blog and the text is so great! I now follow you :)
ReplyDeleteLena
http://joyfuldiary.blogspot.de/
I loved reading this post! Would you like to follow each other? Check out my style blog: www.roxthefox.com
ReplyDeleteI tend to be more old-fashioned in my life, so when I want to take a girl out I specifically use the word "date." I think to do so otherwise is kind of shifty (unless you make it clear that you are going as friends [by using your words]). Of course, I am a rarity. I even go out of my way to only hang out with girls in groups; it's not often that I hang out one-on-one with a girl outside of a date.
ReplyDeleteOf course, I'm not perfect and do break my rules from time to time.
DeleteYou are a rarity indeed! Keep that :)
Deleteindeed confusing. Sometimes I go out with a guy with no reason, thats already a date.. But if im with someone who is really dear to me then that already meant something else. hehehe
ReplyDeleteLoVe to be here.. want to follow each other ?
cutyjelix143.blogspot.com
coming from a 27 y/o single Christian girl who has walked the dating scene cautiously and has a true desire to be a wife and maybe someday a mom...help me. as if defining a date by todays standards isn't difficult enough, lets venture into the topic of online dating. although not ideal, it is becoming more and more popular. i personally think it's the equivalent of meeting someone in a bar (not ideal), but it's seemed to work for others. why is dating such gray area?!
ReplyDeleteMaybe I'll address this, but as to online, I'm a little at a loss. I haven't ventured in that realm, but maybe I'll interview someone who has.
DeleteWow, I have been with my boyfriend for almost 8 years now and we met in high school when dating was innocent and fun. I never though about how complicated dating could be for a single woman. Great post! Maybe we could follow one another? I am definitely following you now; I love blogs like these that make you think about things you never really think about.
ReplyDeletebelladonna2.blogspot.com
pljewels.blogspot.com